Websites: What is contra dance?

Typos: funcation (function)

(seen in an I-JOY MobiDV H12 manual)

Email: Robert Mapplethorpe [Mc]

I appreciate your reflections on Mapplethorpe. Like you, I respect him for his awareness of his art and efforts (if that were all I knew of him). [Many] gays are self-actualized because they have had to become so despite (or because of) great opposition. (Who chooses to become something -- gay, Jew or Christian -- that they know will invite persecution, unless they are sure it is true?)

Websites: Obscure words

(via Dribbleglass.com, with my favorites in bold)

"Abligurition: excessive spending on food and drink.

Altiloquent: speaking pompously or in a high flown manner.

Anililagnia: an attraction to older women.

Armsaye: the armhole in clothing.

Boanthropy: a type of insanity in which a man thinks he is an ox.

Brandophile: one who collects cigar bands.

Cachinnation: loud or hysterical laughter.

Chanking: spat-out food (rinds or pits).

Cheiloproclitic: being attracted to a person's lips.

Dactylion: the tip of the middle finger.

Defenestration: the act of throwing someone or something out a window.

Dibble: to drink like a duck.

Diphallic terata: a disease in which a man has two penises.

Diplasiasmus: the incorrect doubling of a letter when spelling a word.

Dishabillophobia: the fear of undressing or undressing in front of someone.

Eugeria: normal and happy old age.

Euneirophrenia: peace of mind after a pleasent dream.

Eyeservice: work done only while the boss is watching.

Farctate: the state of being stuffed with food (overeating).

Feat: a dangling curl of hair.

Flocinaucinihilipiliphication: the action of estimation is worthless.

Fremescence: the grumbling sound of an unhappy mob of people.

Gambrinous: being full of beer.

Grapholagnia: the urge to stare at obscene pictures.

Groak: to watch people eat hoping that they will offer you some of their food.

Gynotikolobomassophile: one who likes to nibble on a woman's earlobe.

Haingle: to amble along in a feeble and listless manner.

Hebephrenic: a condition of adolescent silliness.

Horripilate: to get goose bumps.

Iatrogenic: illness or disease caused by doctors or by prescribed treatment.

Impecunious: having no cash or money.

Lachanophobia: the fear of vegetables.

Lapling: someone who enjoys resting in women's laps.

Librocubicularist: one who reads in bed.

Logorrhea: excessive talking (or verbal diarrhea).

Macron: the horizontal line above a vowel to symbolize a long sound.

Minimus: little finger or toe.

Misodoctakleidist: someone who hates practicing the piano.

Neanimorphic: looking younger than one's year.

Nelipot: someone who is walking without shoes.

Nostomania: overwhelming homesickness.

Oniochalasia: buying as a means of mental relaxation.

Notophile: one who collects bank notes.

Obdormition: numbness caused by pressure on a nerve (when a limb is "asleep").

Oniochalasia: buying as a means of mental relaxation.

Ophryon: space between the eyebrows on a line with the top of the eye sockets.

Pandiculation: stretching and yawning before going to bed or after waking up.

Parnel: a priest's stress.

Pilgarlic: a bald head that looks like a peeled garlic.

Polyorchid: a man who has at least three testicles.

Preantepenultimate: fourth from last.

Puricle: space between thumb and extended forefinger.

Quisquilian: consisting of trash and rubbish.

Rasceta: creases on the inside of the wrist.

Ruminant: cud chewer.

Scatophagy: religious practice of eating excrement.

Scroop: rustle of silk.

Spermologer: one who collects trivia.

Suppedaneim: foot support for crucifix victims.

Tapinophobia: a fear of small things.

Timmynoggy: a device the saves time and labor.

Venustaphobia: the fear of beautiful women.

Viraginity: the masculine qualities of some women.

Wether: a castrated sheep.

Wheeple: a poor attempt at whistling.

Witzelsucht: a feebl[e] attempt at humor.

Zarf: a holder of a handless coffee cup.

Zenzizenzizenzic: a number raised to the eighth power.

Zills: the finger cymbals worn by belly dancers."

Trivia: Sleep and Edison

People slept on average nine hours a night before the invention of electricity (and they do so again if temporarily deprived of Edison's gift to mankind).

Dating: Mingle sites update

The Mingle family of dating sites has added a Think You'd Click? feature to its already excellent interface. It turns out they also have a diagnostic tool that walks users through and helps resolve web browser problems. I've never seen a company do something like this -- apart from Microsoft's troubleshooting wizards -- and I've covered the industry for a long time.

Websites: andante.com

(via Minnesota Public Radio's Composer's Datebook)

For newbies and connoisseurs, andante.com is a library of classical music and information about it, with a free newsletter and a two-week free trial of listening privileges to its extensive music library (which normally costs $9.99/month or $99/year).

Words: wanton [MW]

Main Entry: wan·ton
Pronunciation: 'won-t&n, 'wän-
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from wan- deficient, wrong, mis- (from Old English, from wan deficient) + towen, past participle of teen to draw, train, discipline, from Old English tEon -- more at TOW
1 a archaic : hard to control : UNDISCIPLINED, UNRULY b : playfully mean or cruel : MISCHIEVOUS
2 a : LEWD, BAWDY b : causing sexual excitement : LUSTFUL, SENSUAL
3 a : MERCILESS, INHUMANE (wanton cruelty) b : having no just foundation or provocation : MALICIOUS (a wanton attack)
4 : being without check or limitation: as a : luxuriantly rank (wanton vegetation) b : unduly lavish : EXTRAVAGANT

Humor: Tech freaking support

The other day I called a company's Technical Support number and the voice prompts told me to say Tech Support if I wanted same. I did, twice, but the system kept saying it couldn't understand me. So I said "Tech Freaking Support!" and it bounced me right to a tech -- much faster than on a previous call, when it took several layers of button pressing to finally reach one!

Pets: Tear him a new...

The repair guy came by for a minute and Molley wanted to tear him a new ankle, so I held her till he was gone. It's been ten minutes and she's still huffing and wuffing at every sound she hears outside. She's my alpha girl.

Proverbs: You say gigolo, I say scumbag

Food: Coffee and Caffeine FAQs

This Frequently Asked Questions site on caffeine and coffee should tell you everything you want to know, including the caffeine content of beverages. It also includes recipes for Turkish, Irish, Thai and Vietnamese coffees.

Sports: HOO RAH ASTROS!

What a team, you've gotta love 'em...! Roy Oswalt is the man!

Gibberwocky: morst

(From a recent typo)

Words: (beyond the) pale [AHED]

NOUN: 1. A stake or pointed stick; a picket. 2. A fence enclosing an area. 3. The area enclosed by a fence or boundary. 4a. A region or district lying within an imposed boundary or constituting a separate jurisdiction. b. Pale The medieval dominions of the English in Ireland. Used with the. 5. Heraldry A wide vertical band in the center of an escutcheon.
TRANSITIVE VERB: Inflected forms: paled, paling, pales
To enclose with pales; fence in.
IDIOM: beyond the pale Irrevocably unacceptable or unreasonable: behavior that was quite beyond the pale.
ETYMOLOGY: Middle English, from Old French pal, from Latin plus. See pag- in Appendix I.

(See also The Columbia Encyclopedia, Sixth Edition. 2001-05:)

"In Irish history, that district of indefinite and varying limits around Dublin, in which English law prevailed. The term was first used in the 14th cent. to designate what had previously been called English land. Outlying districts were styled the marches, or border lands. In the time of Henry VIII the Pale extended N from Dublin to Dundalk and c.20 mi (32 km) inland from the coast. It disappeared in the ensuing years as the English control of the whole of Ireland was made effective. There was another English Pale in France, comprising Calais and the surrounding area, until 1558. In Russia the Pale designated those regions in which Jews were allowed to live. The Jewish Pale was established in 1792, when it comprised the areas annexed from Poland in the first partition. The area was extended (partly as a result of further annexations), but even within the Pale the Jewish population was subjected to many restrictions. Most of these were in force until the Russian Revolution of 1917."

Musings: Stress a go-go

Stress... Aaaah... Do you ever suck it in and hold it... savor it... then just grin and let it out while wiping your mouth on your sleeve...?

Sports: Hamhocks for brains

I understand that Lidge was told to walk Pujols, but thought he could strike him out. Well, he was wrong -- and that's not a time when you make that kind of decision, Mister Beef for Brains!

Websites: Internet Air Fares

This site constantly monitors and conveniently publishes all airfare cuts, showing the lowest possible up-to-date fares for all cities listed.

Words: whit, wight [MW]

Main Entry: whit
Pronunciation: hwit, wit
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, probably alteration of wiht, wight creature, thing -- more at WIGHT
: the smallest part or particle imaginable : BIT <what some people will do for a whit of publicity -- Patrick Quinn>

Main Entry: wight
Pronunciation: wIt
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, creature, thing, from Old English wiht; akin to Old High German wiht creature, thing, Old Church Slavonic vesti thing
: a living being : CREATURE; especially : a human being

Proverbs: Time and money; you never have both at the same time.

Email: Hurricane Wilma [Mc]

Looks like it's headed off Cancun but then what after that...?

To quote Fred Flintstone: Wiiiiilllll-maaaaaaaa!!!

Sports: Astros coulda clinched it

Too bad we didn't walk Pujols! Yow!

In the final minutes of game 5, the Pujols powerhouse stole a 4-2 victory from the Astros when he hit the most towering home run I've seen in the Houston stadium and drove in two runs. The Astros lost 5-4.

Now they have to do it all over again, once or twice, in St. Louis.

Shift happens.

Email: Technorati Support

The wrong link you give for my post is this.

The right link is this.

The problem occurs when I send the post via email (but it typically does not display until I edit and publish it). I made minor edits in the title and links (which necessary due to code inconsistencies) and thereafter Technorati remembers only the old listing URL and not the new correct one, even after I re-ping -- or re-edit and re-ping -- the entry in question.

Typos: SAUL SMOVING CERVISE

(seen on large truck owned by neighbor)

Sports: Go Astros!

Discussing it with MG in St. Louis, I maintain the Astros should win (not the Cardinals "to make interesting") because the team that's done the most work should get the most credit and just win the thing so they can rest up for the World Series, which is the whole point of the thing.

Peeves: Growing Up Gotti

Not only are these characters all perpetual buffoons, but the wah-wah theme music for their commercials clearly shows that even the producers intend them to be caricatures trying to pass as human beings.

Email: Church sans organ [DB]

[A church's decision whether to have a pipe organ (like at St. Mark's Lutheran in Stamford, CT), an electronic organ (like the Rodgers), or no organ at all i]s always a matter of vision and budget -- and those without one or the other don't seem to understand that the two are connected. Poverty begets poverty.

Websites: Lord of the Rings Very Secret Diaries

Lord of the Rings Very Secret Diar[ies] Part 2:
"The Very Secret Diary of Saruman the White

DAY ONE
Am bored. No cable in Isengard. Nothing to do but write rude anonymous letters to Radagast the Brown and Manfred the Slightly Ecru. Perhaps will have a look at the palantir.

DAY TWO
Have met very nice guy via palantir. He seems to really like me for me and not just because am most powerful wizard in Middle Earth. Wonder what he looks like.

DAY THREE
Am becoming disenchanted with palantir guy. Refuses to send me photo, except of one very large eyeball. Says he is shy but I rather suspect he is fat, or perhaps hairy. Have heard some very bad stories about palantir relationships. Should probably cool it for a while.

DAY SEVEN
Well, wouldn't you know, palantir guy turned out to be Dark Lord of Mordor. Just my luck. Could have been worse, I guess. Sauron not fa[t] or hairy, just disembodied force of evil. Must go now, have to raise massive demon army to scourge the earth. Also, have manicure appointment. Is no easy task keeping nails pointy."

Words: koozie [slang]

In the south, a koozie is a foam wrap for a cold beverage in a can. See cozy (noun) in Merriam-Webster.

Main Entry: cozy
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural co·zies
: a padded covering especially for a teapot to keep the contents hot

Words: cozy [MW]

Main Entry: co·zy
Pronunciation: kO-zE
Function: adjective
Inflected Form(s): co·zi·er; -est
Etymology: probably of Scandinavian origin; akin to Norwegian koselig cozy
1 : enjoying or affording warmth and ease : SNUG
2 a : marked by the intimacy of the family or a close group b : marked by or suggesting close association or connivance <a cozy agreement>
3 : marked by a discreet and cautious attitude or procedure
synonym see COMFORTABLE

Peeves: Offensive commercials

Ads that peeve me off most are tampon ads and hard-on commercials -- basically, ads for products that help people get through times with no sex. Isn't that revealing about our society? The only things more offensive would be ads for jock itch, vaginal discharge and condoms -- and those ads run at night, and not as late as you would think either.

Internet: Men are from Mars, women are from Venus

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails, and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F---ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)
Asshole.

(Gary)
Bitch.

[final three entries omitted]

Internet: Something to offend everyone

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 pounds

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Arkansas?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the sex ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him Sum Ting Wong.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... a recipe.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

Email: Virginal experience [EH]

I think true compatibility is less about being both the same (except among "lesser mortals") but about being able to accommodate the differences in a kind and caring manner.

I still have to get the tape gunk off my windows. One unit across the way apparently plans to leave the tape on their windows to the end of the hurricane season. Chef Boyardee ravioli... Yep, slimy! I have come to enjoy Wolf chili (though having to eat it cold might disabuse me of that notion).

Maybe we need a hurricane now and then just to ground us with a sense of reality and to abate the unnecessary gloom-and-doom (which still always seems necessary, given the lack of brains and providence that many display in such times).

I think it's wild how much parents get into their kids' sports (Little League, high school football, etc.). You have to wonder what's going on there psychologically beyond just being their kids' biggest fans. Latent this or latent that. The worst is the fistfights or even the killing, all over a game. Were sandlot ball games ever this intense? I think not. People need to burst the bubble and let their egos out a bit, I think.

Seven people, four dogs and eleven cats? Wow, you could have opened up your own ark with all those animals! Good thing [Hurricane] Rita missed your town too!

Does it count if my "virginal experience" with Rita was so gentle that it almost didn't happen? Yes, it could have been brutal; thank God that Rita weakened from the second most powerful storm to ever hit the coast (as it was not long before landfall)!

Email: Personal journal [DE]

A personal journal is a good way to keep oneself rooted in one's values and life direction. It's a good sign that you have that discipline.

Email: Tridentine Mass [MG]

Yeah, funny thing about the Tridentine Mass... The Pope has greatly restricted it and excommunicated those who insist on it... Most of the top links on Google are written by pro-Tridentine groups but here is a legitimate if unofficial overview. Latinmass.org lists no Latin masses available in St. Louis but does list one available in Houston (pop. 4.8 million) and one in the Twin Cities (pop. 2 million). It sure is weird when you have people who claim that the most conservative denomination is far from conservative enough, and want to roll things back to the 1500s...